How to train a submissive and other myths

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The first step is to understand that the Dominant does not really 'train' the submissive into behaviors. The submissive responds to requests by the dominant with compliance. If this compliance is not forthcoming then the submissive is not submitting. Forcible submission is illegal although you will run across a lot of submissive who will insist that you have to 'overcome' their resistance if you are a 'true or real dominant'. This is false. There is a companion fantasy within the submissive realm that is aligned with 'forcible compliance' which many new or inexperienced submissives believe is how 'they' measure the strength of the dominant they are with. In truth, if a submissive fails to comply or offer simple, direct, voluntary and joyous compliance with your directive then they are not submitting. If an individual is 'non-submissive' then they cannot be with the dominant/submissive model (in terms of the moment of the actual request) - if they are outside of that model then in that moment they are expressing personal dominance, refusal to comply or vanilla expressions of equality. None of which is wrong but none of which are submissive. The way to address this simple issue is to explain this concept to the potential submissive and clearly indicate that submission occurs by their VOLUNTARY choice alone, that the control must come from within them to serve another human being and cannot and willnot be non-consensually imposed by you from the outside, which is both immoral and illegal. Until, if or when they WISH to comply and CHOOSE to comply with your direction then you will continue working on the submissive process and the relationship with them, until that point you will dismiss them from any and all 'false submissive protestations or behaviors' and instruct them to study and think about what it is they wish to do in order to proceed forward, if anything. In a sense this is called a 'dismissal from presence' although you can sustain a vanilla friendship while they explore these questions and issues within themselves.

A dominant who 'believes' that they should IMPOSE direction upon a submissive is in actuality expressing a belief or agreement with non-consensual usage of one human being by another. Other words for this type of behavior are assault and rape, abuse; mental, physical, spiritual, verbal and emotional. A dominant experiencing this type of challenge from a submissive or 'presenting submissive individual' should consider that they are being baited, or that an attempt is being made to make them behave in an assaultive, abusive or non-consensual way. If the dominant falls for the bait the 'presenting submissive individual' will correctly identify the behavior as abusive and 'weak' and will or may then turn on this dominant with actions, words and language of betrayal or ridicule.

What you do not want to do and should not attempt is to be manipulated into behaviors by your submissive or potential submissive. It is important for you to understand your position as one of DIRECTION, not discipline or punishment to create behaviors. You are NOT a submissives parent and should not in any way attempt that role, regardless of the submissives provocations. A favorite move by some submissives is to propel the behaviors of the dominants in their presence to encourage 'discipline or punishment' (attention) from the dominant which serves THEIR needs. This becomes a reversed (dominant) behavior toward the dominant. If you were to comply with such behaviors you are in a greater sense submitting your behavior to their control and direction, which would mean that YOU would be in the submissive role in the relationship.

Compliance with direction is the submissives greatest challenge or war. It occurs entirely within the self as the submissive battles with challenging voices of direction within them. These are all of the old instructions and expectations of behavior which they have learned throughout the entirety of their life. In order to offer joyous compliance to a dominant the submissive must CONTROL these voices within themself and CHOOSE to follow the voice of their 'dominant' over all other voices inside of them. The dominants role in this warfare is to understand the dynamics within the submissive and provide clear, direct (simple) instructions in a simple step by step manner that they believe their submissive can comply with at this time. Over the course of the relationship the nature of these directives can grow more complex and more demanding as the submissive in their part becomes more adept and skilled at finding that strength within themselves that allows them to choose this path in a positive powerful, and sustainable way.

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Remember that ALL scening is reward. It is the Dominant giving attention to the submissive. Regardless of external appearance (discipline or punishment suggestions) this reward is offered when the submissive is offering their unique and powerful compliance to the dominant. Discipline when it does occur should not include scening but instead materials or lessons in an outside arena (many Dominants have their submissives write essays about a particular problem they are having) you can also have your submissive read books which you believe will broaden their understanding of themself and (my favorite) an outloud reading from a good book on etiquette such as (Emily Post). These types of activities are designed to be directly helpful to the submissive but not necessarily fun or enjoyable to them (as a nice spanking would be ). Punishment is to all extents and purposes a warning to the submissive from the dominant that their behavior is unacceptable as a submissive, or is not submissive or compliant and may warrant a complete removal of relationship (D/s) if not corrected by the submissive. Punishment is almost always some form of attention lessening by the dominant toward the submissive. The hardest thing for any submissive to experience is to be sent away, even for small periods of time. This becomes true punishment.

Remember that before you begin this path you should engage in detailed conversation about EXACTLY what you expect (take it one week at a time) in that week. You should also explain what discipline measures you will take upon what type of failure and what kind of removal of attention you will take upon failure to offer submission by the submissive.

You are NOT responsible for a submissives ability to submit to you. The choice must come from the submissive toward you, not the other way around. Your 'role' in large part is to be clear, concise, direct, simple, honest, trustworthy and CONSISTENT. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Keep it simple in the beginning and create an open comment period with your submissive to view their side of things as you go along.

Do NOT create walls of fear or intimidation in your communication with your submissive. If you do, you can easily wander into non-consensual battery and not know it until it is too late. You and your submissive need to be on the SAME PAGE in your experiences together. You need to know how they feel and they need to know how you feel. Revealment of feelings is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength and honesty.


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