Negotiating the game, spanking scenarios

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It is absolutely necessary that before you begin to play, you talk about what you want to do. On this page, you will find some hints and tips that will help you get started. Of course, negotiating the game may not be so difficult as getting Palestines and Israelis to talk. You may know very well what you are going to do. Still I think it is useful to talk a bit before you start if you are new players. It may be necessary to reassure the other.

Okay, there are several scenarios possible for people that start to play. Let's look at scenario 1.

Scenario1 -- Old lovers, new players
In this situation, we have a couple that has been together for a while, but have only recently discovered that they would like to start with BDSM games, out of interest. Ideally, they should know a great deal about each other, and trust each other. So some of the basic elements for good play are present. Still, I would not recommend that they start to play right away. Why? Well, for starters, they don't know anything about BDSM. Before they can start, they need to know how it works. Also, they don't know each other's limits. They have to know how far they can go. Also, they don't have a safeword yet. This they also absolutely need. So what they need to do is pretty simple.

  1. First, I think they should set the limits of their game. What are the Do's and the Don'ts. They could pick two or three things that appeal the most to them. It is best if they begin with something simple and straightforward, so they can get accustomed to the temporary change of power in their relationship.
  2. Next, they should find out how to do the things they have planned in a safe way. They can read some books together, surf the web and visit websites such as this one, that explain things.
  3. They should choose a (or several) safewords and agree upon what will happen when the safeword is used.

Scenario 2 -- New lovers, new players
If you are going to meet a person you have never played with before, there are several very important things to consider. Especially from the "Bottom's" view, there are many things to consider. Who is this person that I am going to meet? How far am I willing to go in a first game if I play (if you plan to play at all on the first meeting. I would say that this is generally not a good idea). Do I trust this person? Would I feel comfortable being alone with this person? Would I feel comfortable to be naked in front of this person? Would I feel comfortable if this person would tie me up?
My best advice would be to take your time. Even if you have written letters for months, spent hours and hours in video conference and written kilobytes of email, take it slowly when you start exploring BDSM games. One wrong experience might ruin the game for you. Even if this person would be a suitable play-partner.
One of the most sensible precautions I can recommend to a Bottom would be to set up a safety line when they go out to meet a new partner. How does this work? Well, here is the deal: before the bottom goes out to meet the new playpartner, he or she informs a trusted friend about where he or she will go, who they will be with and what they plan on doing. Obviously, it is necessary to have a trusted friend who knows about the kind of person you are. Make arrangements to call this trusted friend on a set time. If the bottom does not call at the set time, the friend must assume the bottom is in serious difficulty and should inform the local police department. You have to be able to rely on this.
Also, the bottom should inform the new partner beforehand (that means: before you meet each other), that such a safety line will be in place when they are going to meet. If the play partner objects to this, you should have serious second thoughts about wether or not you really wish to meet this person.
Of course, if the new partner is really someone with bad intentions, he or she might still agree. In a "worst case" scenario, they could force the bottom to make the "all clear" phonecall at gun point. For this reason, it is necessary to build in a code-word. Make sure that this is a word or phrase only known to the bottom and the trusted friend and NOT by the playpartner. A code-word could be anything you like, but it should be something totally unrelated to the type of game you have played. For instance, don't use: "My bottom is still tingling from the spanking he gave me", because this could be interpreted as being a true statement. Instead, use something like: "Hey, did you think about watering my plants?" The trusted friend knows that when these words are spoken, the bottom is in trouble and the police should be notified.
On the other hand, you could also reverse this. If a specific word is NOT spoken during the "all clear" phonecall, the bottom is in trouble and the police should be notified.

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