Subs in waiting, how to find a dominant
articles and tutorials BDSM Mix BDSM newbie guide
A sub without their Dom sometimes can be sad. I know :) I looked for the perfect Dom for me for a long time. Until I realized he was sleeping right next to me and had the love and communication we needed to start. :) I have spent many of my bdsm-wise years without a Dom.
It is all too common to troll the Internet and wait to the Dom to come and mold you. Mold yourself into the person you want to be. The sub you want to be, is only a knowledge base away!
We start with small personal things you can do in your daily life.
1. Consider the Dom you want
Are they knowledgeable? Do they have your music and book tastes? Being with someone 24/7 is so much more than whips and chains. Sharing the same outside interests with your Dom is key. I know a couple who came together because they both had nicknames from the Dune books.
My Sir and I both love movies, electronic music and the outdoors. We also have the same humor :) Do you want a Dom with special interests such as Japanese, traveling etc.. Well do those things. Be the person with whom you want to be with, or in other words be their YIN to your YANG.
2. Do some deep self searching
It is key to be spiritually, physically and emotionally comfortable with yourself when you enter into a BDSM relationship. D/s relationships will test your strength as a person and as an individual. If you are not spiritually sound in your choices to be a submissive, to do certain forms of play. Severe abuse can occur.
I am not saying be at perfect inner peace. I would be not practicing what I preach. Just, know your fears and unhappyness in your life. Look at them in a practical way. Can I overcome this? Can I be happier? What can I do for ME?
Pursing D/s interests alone
1. Become involved in your bdsm community
I know this can seem very scary for a sub out there meeting who knows what. Go to a munch. A casual no-play bdsm lunch where people meet and talk about their interests, bdsm related or not. Most munches are held at local restraunts where you can stay safe and come and leave on your own.
2. Know what you want in bdsm
Do the Activity Checklist and learn more about types of play. The internet is an amazing resource for everything. From BDSM theory to bondage positions you can learn the how-to and help.
3. Get your own toybox
A sub who knows what they want need the toys to back it up. Having the sexy items around can really make your online or dreamed up fantasies so much more real.
Another point to consider is that cleanliness and keeping items sanitary and disease free should be very important to you. Items like canes, horsehair whips, vibes, electro-geno toys etc.. can be easily corrupted with bodily fluids. It is nearly impossible to fully sanitize leather floggers. Buying a cane and a flogger are two good investments for the beginning sub.
There are many tips on Self-Bondage out there if you want to go it alone. Also the safe disease-free world of cyberspace is a nice place to start out. Public play can be intimidating, but you can learn so much that you may have not be able to online.
The Elegant Sub
1. Good posture and grace
You do not need a Master with a crop tapping you to hold up your back straight. Good posture is key! (I need to remind myself of this often) Grace is a good art. Remember the word as you make a drink, kneel and walk. You will start to see your body move with more of a swift relaxed elegance. Pay special attention to your hands. Graceful movements with hands you think are dainty can woo.
2. Dance, excercise and yoga
I recommend all three. Yoga is a great idea to limber you up to certain positions for sexual reasons and slave Position training. Exercise increases your sexual stamina and strength. Scening can take a lot out of you, but a worked out body can handle it much better. Working out your arms and wrists can really save you during a long bondage scene. Dance can help you work on your grace and posture. Belly dancing or traditional Chinese fan dancing are two highly recommended for the submissive.
3. Read how to pleasure
So many of us were born with Westernized views of sexuality. I find there is so much to learn from the Kama Sutra, Tantric Sex and the Pillow Books of Japan. Each of these works speaks of spirituality and sexuality. They teach important submissive doctorines such as: the foot as lovely as the penis, the neck as sexy as the breast and to love and adore all.
4. Do some fantasizing and reading up
While you may not be as adventurous as that read up on Gor, The Beauty Trilogy, and The Story of O. The minds of these authors, can stimulate yours towards fantasies of scenes you would like to with your Master. The mind is as sexy as the body.
I discuss only a few. But, I know each of us has our own ability to excel at a certain one. Perfect your gourmet skills. Learn and collect massage oils and soaps. Take a massage class or read up. Or even dabble with the Japanese Tea Ceremony.
6. Practice a stylized form of submission
Gorean philosophy, Geisha and French maid are 3 examples of ways to learn to perfect your skill through servitude. Read up on what you are interested and start shopping for the knowledge and tools to make it happen!